The most potent ingredients in a broken marriage are contempt and apathy. Contempt, as relationship expert John Gottman describes, is the “sulfuric acid” of love. Eye-rolling, sarcasm, or belittling remarks signal a loss of respect, poisoning intimacy. Once contempt takes root, it’s hard to eradicate; partners no longer see each other as equals but as adversaries

Marriage, often envisioned as a lifelong union of love and partnership, is a complex tapestry woven with threads of trust, communication, and mutual respect. Yet, despite the best intentions, many marriages unravel, leaving partners grappling with emotional wreckage. While society often focuses on repairing broken marriages, there’s an unspoken art to understanding how marriages break—how small fractures deepen into irreparable chasms. This article explores the subtle and overt ways marriages deteriorate, not to glorify their demise but to illuminate the patterns that lead to their undoing, offering insight for reflection, prevention, or, in some cases, acceptance.

The Slow Erosion of Connection

Marriages rarely collapse overnight. Instead, they often erode gradually, like a coastline worn away by relentless waves. One of the primary culprits is neglect. Partners may start as attentive lovers, but over time, the demands of work, children, or personal ambitions can shift priorities. Small gestures—morning coffee shared in silence, a touch on the shoulder, or a heartfelt conversation—fade into routine. According to a 2023 study by the Gottman Institute, couples who fail to maintain "bids for connection"—moments when one partner seeks attention or affirmation—are significantly more likely to divorce. When these bids are ignored, partners feel unseen, fostering resentment that festers like an untreated wound.

Neglect often pairs with poor communication, the silent architect of marital decay. Couples may avoid difficult conversations, assuming silence preserves peace. Yet, unaddressed grievances—whether about finances, intimacy, or household responsibilities—build walls. A 2024 survey by the American Psychological Association found that 65% of divorced couples cited "communication breakdown" as a primary reason for their split. Misunderstandings escalate when partners assume rather than clarify, criticize instead of empathize, or withdraw instead of engage. The art of breaking a marriage thrives in these silences, where assumptions replace dialogue.

The Role of Betrayal and Unmet Expectations

Betrayal, in its many forms, is a master craftsman in dismantling marriages. Infidelity, whether physical or emotional, shatters trust, leaving partners questioning the foundation of their bond. A 2025 report from the Institute for Family Studies noted that 20% of divorces in the U.S. involved infidelity, but emotional betrayals—like confiding in someone else or prioritizing external relationships—were nearly as damaging. These acts chip away at the exclusivity that marriage often demands, leaving one partner feeling replaced or irrelevant.

Unmet expectations also play a pivotal role. Marriage is often entered with idealized visions—shared goals, unwavering support, or perpetual romance. When reality diverges, disappointment sets in. One partner may expect financial stability while the other prioritizes adventure; one may crave emotional intimacy while the other values independence. If these expectations are not voiced or negotiated, they become silent contracts, breached without mutual awareness. Over time, the gap between expectation and reality becomes a breeding ground for disillusionment.

The Weight of External Pressures

External forces can act as catalysts in the art of breaking a marriage. Financial stress, for instance, is a relentless sculptor of discord. A 2024 study by the National Marriage Project found that couples facing chronic financial strain were 40% more likely to divorce than those with stable finances. Money disputes amplify underlying tensions, turning disagreements into battles over power, security, and values.

Family dynamics also wield significant influence. In-laws, parenting differences, or blended family challenges can strain a marriage’s seams. For example, differing approaches to discipline or favoritism toward biological children in stepfamilies can create rifts. A 2025 post on X highlighted a user’s lament: “My marriage fell apart when my spouse sided with their parents over me.” Such divisions erode the sense of partnership, leaving one spouse feeling like an outsider in their own marriage.

The Inner Saboteurs: Personal Struggles and Growth

Sometimes, the art of breaking a marriage originates within the individual. Personal struggles—mental health issues, addiction, or unresolved trauma—can sabotage even the strongest unions. A partner battling depression may withdraw, leaving the other feeling abandoned. Addiction, whether to substances, work, or technology, diverts attention from the relationship. A 2023 analysis on X revealed thousands of users sharing stories of marriages strained by a partner’s unchecked mental health challenges, underscoring how internal battles spill into shared lives.

Personal growth, paradoxically, can also fracture a marriage. As individuals evolve, their values, goals, or desires may diverge. One partner may embrace new ambitions—career changes, spiritual awakenings, or lifestyle shifts—while the other remains anchored in the past. If growth isn’t mutual or supported, it creates distance. A 2024 thread on X captured this sentiment: “We didn’t fall out of love; we just grew into different people.” This divergence, though natural, can render a marriage unrecognizable.

The Final Strokes: Contempt and Apathy

The most potent ingredients in a broken marriage are contempt and apathy. Contempt, as relationship expert John Gottman describes, is the “sulfuric acid” of love. Eye-rolling, sarcasm, or belittling remarks signal a loss of respect, poisoning intimacy. Once contempt takes root, it’s hard to eradicate; partners no longer see each other as equals but as adversaries.

Apathy, however, is the final stroke. When partners stop caring—about arguments, reconciliation, or even the marriage itself—the relationship is effectively over. Apathy manifests in indifference to a partner’s pain, joy, or presence. It’s the moment when “fixing things” feels pointless, and separation becomes preferable to effort.

Lessons from the Ruins

Understanding the art of making broken marriages isn’t about assigning blame but recognizing patterns. Neglect, poor communication, betrayal, external pressures, personal struggles, and the toxic duo of contempt and apathy weave a complex web. For those seeking to prevent a marriage’s demise, the antidote lies in vigilance: nurturing connection, fostering open dialogue, managing expectations, and addressing personal and external challenges together. For others, recognizing a marriage’s breaking point can offer clarity to move forward, whether toward repair or release.

In the end, a broken marriage is a testament to human imperfection—a canvas painted with missteps, unvoiced needs, and unhealed wounds. By studying its artistry, we learn not just how marriages fail but how to approach them with greater intention, humility, and care.