More than the pain of parting, it’s the fear of parting that stops us from doing so. We’re fearful of the sudden void that parting leaves behind

Recently in Mumbai, one 24-yr-old man, Sonu Barai, chased and fatally stabbed his 23-yr-old former girlfriend, Manisha Yadav, and committed suicide by slitting his throat (‘Suspecting affair, man stabs ex-GF, kills self,’ FPJ, Oct 25). He suspected that his girlfriend was seeing someone else. They had broken up a few days before the gory incident. Theirs was a decade-long relationship.

The guy was seething with anger that his girlfriend jilted him. So, he took a drastic step. Alas, the breakup destroyed two young lives. Why don’t we understand that breakups in a relationship are like bends in the river? It’s nature’s way to put brakes on a relationship before it worsens. In other words, a breakup is a blessing in disguise. It’s a hint from the universe and an insinuation from destiny.

Everything in life has a purpose. Nothing happens without a reason. A breakup also has a meaning, albeit hidden. It teaches people deeper lessons of life and relationships. At the same time, when we break off with someone, however close he/she may have been, we’re again open to forging new bonds. So long as one’s in a relationship, it’s difficult to weigh other options. But once the earlier bond loses its grip, you’re free. A child learns to walk by stumbling, and a horse rider falls many times before he becomes an expert rider.

Likewise, breakups are steps to a greater and better relationship in the future, or even if one never finds an ideal partner in life, breakups teach him/her the do’s and don’ts of a relationship. One wonders, why do we use negative words like ‘break-off’ and ‘break-ups’? A river has many bends. What’s called a ‘break off’ is actually a bend in the river of life. You know, why does a river have bends? Nature has made rivers with bends like women with curves. It’s meant for their survival and greater visual appeal. A river without bends is prone to floods and causing destruction. Bends put brakes on it. Likewise, a break-off is a natural brake on two individuals before things go out of control.

A moment comes when both the individuals in a relationship start getting suffocated. They long for freedom. Actually, this longing for freedom is a yearning for another individual, another relationship, another horizon, or plain emptiness. It may sound trite to many, but the greatest truth in life is that nothing is permanent. It’s nature’s necessity to sift, shift, and separate for a greater breathing space for all. It’s but natural to go into a state of depression following a breakup, but as we know that nothing is everlasting in life, this phase also passes.

Agreed, the most painful thing in the world is parting ways. Darkness suddenly descends, and everything appears to be gloomy, but after overcoming it and looking back, one feels that it was in his/her favour. Nature has its own way of separating two individuals before things come to a pass. It (nature) facilitates parting. Moreover, a man-woman relationship always comes with an expiry date.

Even if it culminates in marriage, the fire is not there. One can live forever alone, and all relationships are mere stations. Man may be a social animal, but he loves to live alone. It’s our existential fate. “No cerebral person can be in a relationship for more than a couple of months. He has to part ways,” said the US novelist Ernest Hemingway. And he said it quite earnestly! Cerebral people feel suffocated in a relationship because a rather old relationship loses newness and gets rusty. So, it’s better to part ways.

Parting causes heartache, but it also saves several other aches to come. We often don’t part because we’re conditioned to seeing that person, and despite his/her undesirable traits, we continue to stick together. More than the pain of parting, it’s the fear of parting that stops us from doing so. We’re fearful of the sudden void, the vacuum that parting leaves behind. But nature fills any void. It hates vacuum. Taoism believes that “until you part, there’s no new start.”

One parting paves the way for a greater union. The quest is never-ending. So, don’t rue when you part. Instead, take it as a new start. Nothing in life is permanent, and there’s nothing so bad that there’s not some good in it. Every parting is, therefore, a profound lesson in relationship(s). Learn from it and move on. No pain lasts forever, and you ultimately gain from your pain, plight, and predicament.

A breakup is a clear indication that the lovers are fed up with each other. They drifted apart because of boredom and other reasons. The problem with all of us is that we love to live in a world of dreams and don’t want to face the harsh realities of life. To a sane mind, both (man and woman) get a straightforward perspective or message that they cannot and shouldn’t be together.

Now both should find new individuals. Moreover, every individual is ultimately a bore. The very idea that one can live with the same person throughout his/her life is equal to believing that a candle will go on burning and spreading light till eternity. When two individuals break up, they must part ways and see to it that their paths don’t cross. A patch-up affair, especially a love affair, loses its soul and spirit, and it’s like dragging a relationship.

The entire human life is an exciting saga of new searches, meeting new people, and facing novel experiences. Why should one stick to the same person even after getting indications that it’s time to move on? Getting back together means both have no options. It’s not love. It’s helplessness and a “lack of options syndrome.” We must get rid of this emotional helplessness, and instead of getting back again, we should choose new avenues and alleys for ourselves.